Hello tumblr, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted. Still as infatuated and in love with the girl I’ve made 34posts (so far) for, and yeap, things took a turn for the better from that day we drifted for 3months or so. So we kinda bonded, talked as usual, though the bond isn’t as stable so we’d just bond and quarrel then drift and bond again. It’s a vicious but becoming a normal cycle.
Yesterday, I had this hardcore drinking christmas party at my house last night. I tried, trust me I did, to act like I didn’t care about her, I don’t know why I keep hiding my feelings for her but, yea I tried hard to not give two hoots about her. But when we downed a few gulps/cups (I was drunk after a few gulps) of vodka mixed w/ redbull.. my walls came down. I don’t know why but I kept caring for her, ask if she’s alright, and help and support her. She was in a horrible, horrible, state. Oh forgot to mention she’s hopelessly in love with a girl called, well let’s name her G. Like I said many things happen for the these 3-4 months I didn’t tumblr much, so I did not mention her ex. So back to the story, she was drunk and kept calling her name, calling her bitch, etc etc. & I couldn’t do anything anyway, not in the drunken state, I just stayed beside her, to be there for her.
All I hope for her now is that she may get better, happier,
… because that’s the only thing I’d ever wish for her to be.
‘I find you annoying and i can say i hate you,but i know when you are gone, im gonna miss all the things you do even if it annoys me.’
when you tweeted it, did you meant me? I apologise if it isn’t me but, you used to called me annoying and everything.
I even remembered you saying
‘I used to find anabelle 70% annoying. But now its the opposite’
So was I 30% annoying?
Do you remember 31 August 2011? Yesterday last year was a great day for me, because for N’s birthday we went KBox and it was so much fun!.. but what did we do yesterday? I was left spending my day at home playing Diner Dash and Minecraft, while you and M went out with your ‘new clique’ to watch the same show as N and the rest, Step Up Revolution. Why? & when I asked you if you could go to N’s outing, you said you and M had something on. Feeling so left out and out of place, I left the classroom, and before I left for the stairs you asked me to do you a favor and close the door. Even though its just a small gesture, when I close my eyes before I sleep at night, I always end up thinking about it and tear. Because you said it like I didn’t mean a thing to you.
Do you also remember 24th October? 24th October 2010 and 2011 was the greatest times ever in my life.
Just want to tell you, I won’t back down. Ever. If I need to get you back again, even if it takes 20years, I will. You are what makes me, me. If you want to smoke, I will smoke too. Eventually time will make me accept it, right? It’s just what kind of mindset people possess.
Yeah, I thought I wouldn’t be able to live even one day without you
But somehow I managed to live on (longer) than I thought.
knowing from this girl, C, that you all formed an ‘afterschool clique’, became really close as such, I’m hurt.. how our friendship was longer than theirs’ with you, but you are closer to them. I guess that’s what they say time doesn’t matter, it’s only how much fun you had. Maybe you really forgot about me.. maybe I really mean nothing to you now and I’m just living in an illusion.
Nonetheless, I still wish you the best. You are always my best friend, Carmelita. Always have, and always will.
& fuck that C for spelling your name wrong all the time. It’s not the first time she has called you Carmalita you know!
I started again. The bad habit. I thought it’d be gone forever, but it came back again. Secretly, I slipped the penknife in my pocket that day and went to the toilet and let everything out,with an wee bit tinge of hope that she would by chance follow me to the toilet and realise I’m in a wrecked state and ask me what happened.
Know the previous post I said I’d apologise to her? I asked her if she would come out to meet me, and she said,
‘Why can’t just call?’
Saying sorry in a phone call meant no sincerity at all, i don’t know, I prolly got influence by Grace a lot in the past. But I felt that if I met up with you and talked, I’d feel more comfortable. B/c right now things are so fucked and I feel like crying and and why am I tearing while typing away on this white text box that is being filled up with cries and pleas, begging you to hear me out? I miss you a lot. As a friend, I miss you. Life has been horrible these past few weeks, though I am still able to live, I am miserable at best.
hi blog. It’s been long since I last tumblred. A lot happened.. A lot of things changed. Well, to make things short, we did not talk for almost 2 weeks now. We did exchanged a few words but it was all asking for little favors.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow marks the day I will apologise to her. Because it’s been far too long and I want to talk about it. In fact, I miss her a lot. But I’m not sure if I’m at fault.. I don’t know some of the reasons why I’d avoid her too. She wanted to smoke but I was really really against it and shouted at her. I did not mean it.
Went all-out finding for smiggles slapband with the word ‘Friends’ imprinted on it but I couldn’t. So I bought the one with the ‘Stoked’ on it. However, when I opened it this afternoon it was dirty so I’m going to wash it later. I hope the words does not come off.
That is, if she comes tomorrow. She tweeted today 38.4 so I am guessing it’s her temperature. I hope she is okay.. I want to bring panadol tomorrow but I don’t know if she is coming tomorrow.
I hope to spend time with her like we used to again.